All I Ever Wanted Read online

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  This book is dedicated to my mother for braving the crowd of screaming girls and taking me to see the ­Osmonds not once, but three times.

  Thank you!

  CHAPTER ONE

  LARGER THAN LIFE

  “No!” Grady leaned forward in his lounge chair and shook his head at his brothers. “There’s no way we’re offering Arabella York the job as our choreographer for the reunion concert.”

  Oliver, Jesse, and Jimmy all started protesting at once, but Grady took a casual drink of his cold beer and looked over at the swimming pool, refusing to listen. Simply saying Arabella’s name caused a hot wave of emotion and made Grady want to jump into the shimmering water to cool off.

  “Come on, Grady.” Jimmy, always the peacemaker, raised his palms upward. “I get where you’re coming from. I mean, what Arabella did to you was wrong.”

  Grady tilted his head at Jimmy and laughed without humor. “Ya think?”

  “Yeah.” Jimmy sighed. “But it was a long time ago.”

  “I don’t care.” Grady shook his head, refusing to budge. “We can get someone else.”

  “Maybe, but she already knows the dance routines. She created them!” Jimmy reached into the cooler for a beer and cracked it open. “Not to mention that she’s the best. And we’re doing the Heartbeat reunion in Mom’s honor. Why wouldn’t we go with the best?”

  Grady gave Jimmy a stony stare. “Uh, maybe because she walked out on me, refused to believe my innocence, and didn’t take my calls.” Grady snapped his fingers. “Just like that.”

  “We all get it, but that was thirteen years ago,” Jesse chimed in, nodding in agreement with his twin brother. “The benefit concert was your idea.” Jesse pointed at Grady. “You talked us into this to raise money for Mom’s foundation. And you know damned well that having Arabella York on board will give us additional publicity.”

  “Like I need more bullshit gossip in the tabloids.” Grady took a swig of his beer.

  “You brought some of that on yourself,” Jesse said.

  Grady remained silent because Jesse had a point.

  “You wanted to do this,” Oliver added. “We agreed. And hey, you might be the oldest, but you don’t get to make all the decisions. We’re all adults now. Well, except maybe Jesse.”

  Jesse shrugged. “I can be an adult when I want to.”

  “But unfortunately, you never want to,” Jimmy said.

  “Adulting is overrated,” Jesse said.

  “There is only one reason why I want to do this.” Grady put his beer can down on the concrete with a clank. “So we can raise a ton of money.” He couldn’t keep the emotion from his voice. “I’d do anything to help find a cure for lupus, including a cheesy boy-band reunion.”

  “We weren’t cheesy,” Oliver complained. As the youngest of the brothers, he’d been disappointed when Heartbeat ended when he’d just turned seventeen, thinking they still had a few more boy-band years left in them.

  Grady raised an eyebrow at Oliver. “Right, those wild-ass bright silk suits were super cool. Just like the blond tips in your spiky hair.”

  “Ha, at least my hair’s not gray like yours, old man.”

  “My hair isn’t gray,” Grady said, even though he’d spotted a few silver strands here and there recently. “And thirty-four isn’t exactly ancient,” he said, remembering a time when he used to think thirty was over the hill. “And you’ll be hitting the big three-oh in another year, little bro.”

  Jimmy groaned. “Please tell me we’re not going to wear those suits, are we?” Of the brothers, Jimmy was the least comfortable onstage and had been the hardest to convince to do the reunion. A successful songwriter, he preferred a quiet life out of the spotlight. Jesse and Jimmy were fraternal twins—they were opposites in personality and didn’t look a thing alike.

  Jesse laughed. “Mine sure wouldn’t fit.”

  “Because you’ve packed on a few pounds, huh, bro?” Grady asked.

  Jesse flexed his arm. “Um . . . no, because I’m so damned buff.” Tall and lanky, Jesse was athletic but not muscle-bound. He was also the only sandy blonde out of the brothers and still wore his hair in the same shaggy surfer style that the girls loved. He had an easy laugh and had never taken their fame seriously, even when Heartbeat was topping the charts and filling arenas with screaming fans.

  “Mine still fits,” Oliver boasted.

  Jesse leaned over and nudged Oliver’s knee. “You probably sleep in it.”

  “Shut the hell up or I’ll toss your ass in the pool.” Oliver shoved Jesse’s knee back.

  “Right, like you could do that. You’d go in first, trust me.”

  “Wanna find out?” Jesse challenged, and started to push up from his lounge chair.

  “Guys!” Grady interrupted. “Knock it off. I invited you here for a reason. We need to get down to business.”

  “Yeah,” Jimmy said quietly. “And hire Arabella. Put your personal issues aside, Grady.”

  Grady picked up his beer and drained it. “She probably won’t agree, anyway. I think she still lives in LA and has some sort of fitness studios or something,” he said, but he did know. Her business was called Hip, Hop, Health, and it was expanding, apparently because it was doing very well. “And I couldn’t see her wanting to come to a sleepy little town like Sea Breeze, Florida.” After they’d ended Heartbeat, the brothers had all moved back to their seaside hometown to be close to their mother when her health took a turn for the worse.

  “We can at least ask,” Oliver suggested. “I agree with Jimmy and Jesse that you need to put the past aside for this.”

  Grady wished that he could, but he knew it would be impossible. “We don’t need her. We already know all the dance moves and routines. We could do them in our sleep.”

  “Seriously?” Jesse asked. “It’s been a damned decade. And I don’t think I can duplicate the same moves I could do as a teenager.”

  Grady doubted that he could remember the choreography either, but he shrugged.

  “I can.” Oliver stood up and did a spot-on spin move and then bowed.

  Jesse laughed. “Just because you practice in front of the mirror every night doesn’t mean the rest of us do. You’re such a tool.”

  Oliver performed another classic Heartbeat shoulder-shimmy dance move. “You’re just jealous.”

  “Right.” Jesse shrugged. “Wanna have a dance-off?”

  Oliver patted his bare chest. “Bring it on, bro.”

  Grady watched Jesse jump to his feet, knowing full well what was going to happen. He arched an eyebrow at Jimmy, who seemed to see it coming too. Oliver, however, did not, and a moment later Jesse pushed his brother into the pool.

  Oliver broke the water sputtering, cursing a blue streak. “I’m gonna kick your ass all the way into next fucking week!”

  Jesse laughed. “You wanna try?”

  Oliver answered by flipping him off.

  “Dude, come on, you had to see that coming,” Jesse said. “It was classic.”

  “Jump in here and tell me that.” Oliver sent a splash in Jesse’s direction.

  “Okay, but rememb
er, you asked for it!” Jesse jumped in and the water fight began.

  Glancing at Jimmy, Grady had to grin. “Some things never change.”

  “Yep.” Jimmy nodded and then chuckled. “You know every boy band has to have the baby and the crazy one. And you still carry the torch as the bad boy.”

  “I think that’s kinda unfair. Most of the stuff in the tabloids about me isn’t true.”

  “Most?”

  “Some,” Grady admitted. As both the oldest and the front man for Heartbeat, Grady had been the biggest target of the paparazzi. Arabella had tamed his wild ways when they were together, but when she left without a glance back, Grady had felt the need to prove publicly that life would go on just fine without her. He only wished it actually had.

  “Luckily, I’m the quiet voice of reason,” Jimmy said. “The glue holding all of you crazy asses together.”

  Grady laughed because Jimmy was pretty much right. “So, do you think we can pull this reunion thing off without completely embarrassing ourselves?”

  “Yeah.” Jimmy took a swig of his beer and then nodded. “I sure as hell hope so, anyway.”

  “I’m not so sure that was the answer I was looking for.” Opening the cooler, Grady dipped his hand in the ice for a fresh beer. While the boy-band thing had been a wild four-year ride for them as teens and then young adults, it sure had stifled their careers as serious musicians. It used to bug the shit out of him, but now, after all these years, he didn’t care anymore. “It will take a lot of work, but I don’t see any reason we can’t do this, especially since it’s for Mom and not our egos,” he said, even though he wasn’t being completely truthful.

  “Yeah.” Jimmy nodded. “I still can’t believe how long Mom waited before she told us how bad she’d gotten. Think about how much more time we would have gotten with her if we’d ended the tour sooner.”

  “I hear ya,” Grady said, “but you know why she did it. Mom wanted us to see the world. And, really, how often do you get the opportunity to go on a world tour as a band with your brothers?” She had been proud of them, and she’d sure as hell deserved any joy she could get. And honestly, he didn’t think she’d wanted them to see how much pain she had to endure.

  “You have an amazing voice, Grady,” Jimmy said. “You could have gone solo. After the boy-band thing faded you would have had a chance at going all Justin Timberlake on us if you’d wanted to.”

  “Ah . . . thanks, but I don’t know.” Grady shrugged. He wouldn’t have minded a solo career, but he sure as hell hadn’t helped his cause by the dumb-ass stunts he’d pulled after Arabella split. He’d been determined to get his mug splashed all over the place, hoping to prove to Arabella that he was just fine without her. “It wouldn’t have been the same without you.” He pointed to Oliver and Jesse. “Or those two clowns. It’s good we’re doing this, though. It’ll be fun for us and the fans, but most important, it’ll be perfect for raising funds for the foundation.”

  Jimmy nodded. “I’d do anything for Mom.” After clearing his throat, he added, “I’m glad you suggested this, because she sure would get a kick out of it. Dad too. Hopefully they’re watching from somewhere up there.” He pointed to the light blue sky dotted with fluffy clouds.

  “Yeah . . .” Grady had to swallow the lump in his throat with a swig of beer. “We need to dig out those videos of our Friday-night talent shows we put on for Mom and Dad,” he said, but he knew it would be difficult seeing their young parents, so in love and oblivious to what the future would bring.

  Jimmy paused and then said, “Look, I know we’ll be doing the hits to please the crowd, but I’m working on a song in honor of Mom.”

  “Sweet.” Grady smiled. “I didn’t want to ask, but I was really hoping that you would write a tribute song.”

  “It won’t necessarily be easy to sing.” Jimmy sighed but then smiled. “You know, even though I’m not thrilled with performing the dance moves, I do miss singing together.”

  “I know the song will be amazing. You’re so damned talented.”

  Always humble, Jimmy shrugged. “I love writing. I’m happiest when it’s me and my guitar on my balcony. The ocean view helps chill me out too. As a matter of fact . . .” Jimmy said, but then he paused.

  “What?”

  Jimmy nibbled on the inside of his lip for a moment. “I wasn’t going to mention it, but I’ve put together an outline for a book. . . .”

  “A book?”

  “About Heartbeat. I mean, I’m in the beginning stages and I want it to end with the reunion concert . . . with pictures, maybe. Of course, I want the proceeds to go to the foundation too. And I won’t write anything without the permission of all of you. It won’t be like a sordid tell-all or anything. I mean, we weren’t squeaky clean, but we didn’t really have any dirt to expose.”

  Grady chuckled. “I think all my dirt has been exposed.”

  “You’re not as badass as you want people to think. No, I want the book to be more of a chronicle of what it was like for us four brothers to be on the road together. Are you okay with it? At least the idea?”

  “I guess so.” Grady nodded but he could tell that Jimmy wanted to say more. “Go on. . . .”

  “The story wouldn’t be complete without . . . Arabella. It would be, well, sweet if she were part of the reunion so I could interview her . . . you know. . . .”

  “Ah, Jimmy.” Grady scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m not trying to be a prick about this.” He set his beer can down on a glass-topped end table next to him and rested his elbows on his knees. After a moment, he said, “But damn, she hurt me.” He didn’t share his deepest emotions with hardly anyone, but Jimmy was always a good listener. “I mean, I know I was only twenty-one when Arabella bolted. We were so young, but maybe that’s why it hurt even more? My love for her was . . . so . . . I don’t know. Pure might sound weird, but I guess it’s kinda the way to put it.” Grady closed his eyes and swallowed.

  “Not weird. I’m the sensitive songwriter, remember? You can be honest with your emotions and I’m not going to call you out on it.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Grady, I’m not defending her, but you have to admit that she walked into a shitty situation.”

  “Well, it was a shitty situation for both of us.” Grady sat up straight. “If only I could have explained. . . . Damn, she wasn’t fair.”

  “No, but Arabella was young too. Probably afraid. I mean, come on, back then we had girls running after us on the street, screaming at concerts like crazy people. It couldn’t have been easy for her.”

  “If she really loved me, then she should have given me the fucking chance I deserved to set things straight.”

  Jimmy nibbled on the inside of his lip.

  Grady sighed. “Okay, come on, I know that look. What?”

  “If Arabella accepts the offer, then maybe you’ll get that chance. Closure or . . .” Jimmy shrugged but gave Grady a pointed look. “A second chance.”

  “Oh . . . no fucking way.” Grady sat back in his chair and then leaned over for another beer. He popped the top open with an angry snap. “First of all, I won’t agree to hiring her. That’s off the table.” He swung the hand holding the can in an arc, leaving a trail of foamy beer. “I mean, if you want to talk to her for the book, that’s your thing. But I don’t want to have to deal with her. I just can’t.”

  “Grady, to be honest, I don’t remember any of the dance routines. I wasn’t all that good at them to begin with.”

  Grady nodded toward the pool. “I’m sure Oliver can teach us. We can look at old videos . . . whatever. We can do it,” he said with more conviction than he felt. “I’ve got the old studio cleaned out and ready to use for rehearsals. I’ve set up a sweet-ass sound system. Seriously, how hard can it be?”

  “I guess we’ll find out.” Jimmy looked around. “I like the recent renovations. How you
changed the look, but that you can still tell that it’s our childhood home. We have so many happy memories here.”

  “Yeah.” Grady smiled but felt a pang of emotion hit him in the gut. “Since I had to get the studio ready I’ve spent more time here than at my beach house. Sometimes I feel like I can hear Dad’s booming laughter or Mom singing.”

  “Oh man, if those walls could talk . . .”

  “In this house the walls would sing,” Grady said. “We sang so much it was like we lived in our own personal musical.” He laughed. “Other people would have thought we were pretty crazy.”

  “We were . . . but in a good way. Normal is overrated.”

  “Yeah.” Grady tilted his head. “God, I miss them.”

  “Me too,” Jimmy said quietly. “Hey, and thanks for coming up with the idea for the foundation.”

  Grady shrugged. “It’s about time I came up with something useful to do with my lame-ass life.”

  “You don’t lead a lame-ass life.”

  “I kinda do.” Grady arched an eyebrow, then took a long swig of his beer. After Arabella left him, he’d gone back to his wild ways and then some. Globe-hopping, seeking adventure, dead-end dating, accomplishing a whole bunch of nothing—he wasn’t exactly doing the memory of his parents proud. While he wasn’t a big partier or playboy, as the tabloids liked to paint him, his life lacked meaningful direction or goals, making Grady feel hollow. “You have your songwriting, Jimmy. And damn, you’re good.” He nodded toward Oliver and Jesse, who were doing more splashing than swimming in a butterfly race. “Those two have the music store to keep them busy. It’s about time I stepped up and did some serious adulting too. I always thought it’d be sweet not to have to work for a living, but it makes it hard to stay motivated. Focused. I’m, like, all over the place and nowhere at all.”

  “That’s a damn good line. Can I use it?”

  “Feel free.”

  “Well, the reunion concert is a big undertaking. You should be proud. And I gotta admit, it’s also a good way of getting us together. It’s a damn shame that we live so close but don’t hang out like this much anymore.”